I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
