Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
