I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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