My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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