The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
