Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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