i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize