That's when you crack a 10am beer
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
