my sisters under your porch take her home
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
