I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
