Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
