I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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