That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
