My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
