i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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