Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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