Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
