we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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