I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
