Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
