Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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