I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
