that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
