If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
