Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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