I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize