"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
