Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
