The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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