I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
