i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
