I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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