when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
no you cant smoke seaweed
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
