i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
