I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
