I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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