she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
