my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
