I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
