I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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