The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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