he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
