you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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