Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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