apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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