I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize