I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
