A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
