im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
