is your mom at the bar?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
