Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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