Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
