He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
People in love make me want to vomit
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sext me about skeletons
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize