that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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