mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
