I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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