When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
