Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize