Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
