i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My dick has a subreddit
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
