I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize