someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
