If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
