She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
