How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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