i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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