well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
