I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think people are normalizing furries
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
