And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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