I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
