White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
