i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
