I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize