I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
