and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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