How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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